Overcoming Homesickness

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to As the Dinoson's Turn, where we chronicle the adventures of the Dinoson family. A seemingly ordinary family from Iowa who decided, hey, you only live once. So let's move to Portugal. And now your hosts, Jason and Tracy Dynason.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Welcome to another edition of As the Dinoson's Turn. It's been a couple of weeks since we've been with you, and it's amazing how many people do actually listen to this podcast or watch it on YouTube. We do both. We post the video on YouTube and the audio goes out to the different podcast channels and such, but people say, I haven't heard your podcast in a couple of weeks, or I'm all caught up on episodes. When's the next one? So here we are.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I mean, we've had a lot going on, and now that we're on Carnival Break, that obviously means house cleaning, laundry, and house projects that have to get done too. So it's been a lot, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:06

It has. Maybe we should explain to people what Carnival Break is. Because I know I could not ex I couldn't explain it, but I bet you can.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

I can do my best. So um the three days, so Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Wednesday's Ash Wednesday. That is today, the day we're recording. Um, Fat Tuesday, most of you know this already in the United States, Mardi Gras. Um, Carnival is the other flip side of that. A carnival celebration has been celebrated in in Portugal for hundreds of years. Um, there are some towns that dress up with wooden masks and become like nymphs and all kinds of monsters and things. But the idea is that you dress up as someone or something else, you wear masks, um, and that way all the deviant things you do before you get into Lent and Ash Wednesday, um, no one can associate them with you. So it's all about the uh the indulgence and the celebration um before you give everything up for Lent, which is 40 days. And that's today is Ash Wednesday. So now we're moving into the 40 days of Lent and time for Easter, which here also is a whole nother big celebration. But we've got lots of things coming up in town, too. So, carnival, there was a parade. Um, you could go through town and see every little kid dressed up in costumes. I have seen more adorable mini mini mouse costumes. Oh, they're just so sweet. So you can see all kinds of great things when you walk through town during carnival time.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Our town has a celebration coming up in a week or two, also, that's specific to the town, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Right. So the patron saint of Povo Lonoso is um Saint Jose Sao Jose. So Saint Joseph, um, the saint of fathers, is also the patron saint of our town. And Father's Day is coming up, and so not this week, but next weekend, the fellow festival will start. We'll have a big Father's Day celebration, we'll be there'll be rides, games, like the um churro stands have started to set up, so the lights have gone up, they haven't turned them on yet. So we're just waiting for all of that excitement. But it's a it's a great time. I love springtime here, and it's just there's always something going on either here in the surrounding towns um and the sunshine. Like when it comes out, the sun is glorious.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

So well, I had some ideas on what we could talk about, and now I've forgotten about them.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

So you better come up with them, dude. Well, I think that we better come up with something.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

We better. Let's see. Well, I try not to edit these podcasts, like it makes it more human when we have our moments. So here we are with a moment where it's like, what do we want to talk about? I think one of the things, this was one of the things to talk about um the the six-month um, I guess, I don't know if regret is the right word, homesickness is the right word. I've seen some things online from people who have moved and now they're going through that. And or people asking about, you know, will you will you ever miss home in America? Right. I think that for us, for me, six months in was about the time that I started to feel that way. And there were other things that kind of came together at that time. And when we moved here, our kids were kind of forced to go to school. We didn't intend it to work that way right away, but signed it up that way, but they were kind of the unique Americans, and it was just a two-month thing, so it was kind of like okay. But then the next school year starts in the fall, and it's just kind of like here we go in a normal school year, and I know there were struggles with that that caused some thought about maybe we need to move back, and around that same time, I think that we all just discovered that this is where we live, and it's not just vacation time and a little retreat and a getaway, like this is the new world that we live in. And I I feel like I'm not some seasoned world traveler, but I feel like that's probably pretty normal.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

It's completely normal. I mean, everybody, I mean, whether you're studying abroad or you're moving abroad, you're going to have the honeymoon period where everything is glorious, it's beautiful, you can't believe how lucky you are. And I still have those moments every day. I still have that moment of like, oh, this is our life. But then I drive down the road. I'm like, oh, look, I'm driving over a Roman bridge. Imagine that, you know. I mean, so I think there are those times. The honeymoon period is definitely normal to go through uh moments of homesickness in those moments because life is hard. Um, you still have to live life, you still have to do all of the things. Um, you're right, about six, seven months in, we started really guessing if this is really gonna work or if we were gonna have to just pack up and move, sell the apartment, be done. Um, we even had questions of if we were gonna move into this apartment or not. If we were just gonna go ahead and go ahead, we'll just sell it uh right away. We'll come right back because um school is not easy, it was complicated. Um, the kids, you know, need to learn Portuguese. Portuguese is not an easy language to learn all of the time. Um fun fact, it has a conjugated infinitive. Um, it's only one of two languages that have a conjugated infinitive that I know of. That doesn't mean that there aren't more, but uh, you know, it's it's things like that where you're like, what? Um and I think that we got to the point where it's can we really do this or not? Um and I even think that if our visa, we were like, no, we've committed to a visa time, we we said we would do, we would do as long as we would give it at least a year. Um at that year time, since we had one more year on our visa, I think we thought, okay, let's just see how it goes. Let's see if you know the kids can move on to the next grade or not. If not, we're just gonna have to go. Um, we'll we'll go ahead and head an out, or they'll have to go to US school online, we'll have to figure out all of those things and pay for it. Um, and there was a lot of, is this working the most for them? And I think that had we moved earlier, it would have been easier. Um, so if you have a high schooler, this becomes very complicated and very dire. Even like an eighth grader, um I would say a ninth grader, it gets it gets really hard. Um, so if you're at like lower middle school, sixth, seventh grade, even eighth grade, I think, could give you enough time if you start eighth grade and then you can move on to ninth grade. Um, it definitely is gonna take at least two years to get to the point where you feel like you're very comfortable and functional in language. So know that. Um, elementary is much easier. Um, I think that, you know, even saying to the kids, man, we should have moved sooner, and Tyler's like, no, and Jack's like, yeah, we should have. So I think that it's they have very different experiences, but we did. We hit the this is our reality, this is everyday life. And you also find yourself doing a lot of the same things and not maybe taking advantage of the new surroundings that you're in. Like we just got buckled down with work. And you have to remember we moved in the middle of tax season, and then after six months was the gear up to tax season, and we had another season coming. And so it was just like, how is this gonna work? Is it gonna be okay? And the very first room we set up in the apartment. I mean, we all had mattresses, but the first room we set up was the office because tax season, you know, all of those things. We were gonna, we needed to make sure that we had a functional place to work. And it does become about work and you have to grind different times. But um I feel very differently than I did six months in. So for those people who are at the sixth, even 10 months a year sometimes is really hard. Um, you see things going uh, you know, your first holiday season or birthdays or those types of things become difficult. Um, so I think that that's important to remember. Sometimes you have the missing out piece, but I think we're in a very different spot now than we would were then, and we're coming up on renewal uh in the summer this year, and I'm excited about it. I feel very comfortable, but you're right, it's no longer the idea for me of being an expat, um, but being an immigrant. And I think that that's a kind of mental shift too, because this is our, this is the country we're living in now. This is the country we're working to stay in now and to eventually become hopeful citizens, EU citizens, you know, with all of those benefits and things like that as well for not just ourselves, but long-term for our children. So I'd say short-term is very hard. But for us, the long-term benefits and the lifestyle that we do have has outweighed the difficulties, at least in my opinion. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 11:22

I think so. I don't regret that we did what we did, and I'm excited about the renewal of our visa. Um sometimes it's hard to believe that I was the one who led this initiative, that that I was the one who pushed for us to move. We talked about m moving to Spain, and that fell through, and then you were kind of like, okay, well, I guess we're done. And I kept searching for a way because as I've said before, I feel like with our burnout, it wasn't take a few days off. It was we needed a complete reset and a completely different, I don't know, different vibe, I guess. Or sometimes I describe it as like we kick the ladder out from underneath us so that that there's not like we have to make it work in a new setting and a new mentality. And you know, our situation is a little different, I think, because we are not retired. You know, there's people who they're retired and they live here on their pensions or their IRAs. Or they I know there's people who sold their house and they bought it in, you know, 1995 for a hundred thousand dollars and now they've sold it for 1.2 million or whatever. So they've got plenty of money and they can just move here, but we have to work in order to make it work for us to stay. So I suppose that probably changes our perception a little bit too, because sometimes the hours that we work are just as much as it was in the US.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Oh, definitely. I think we're working just as much as we were doing in the US, but I also think the work is different in some ways. Um, I think that the other piece of it is for us at least, making a difference in community is really important to who we are and what we do. And so you have to have a community to feel like you're a part of a community. And so for me, I feel like the big turning point, um, and for I think maybe even for the kids was the start of this this school year. You know, when I started teaching English, I have, you know, and or when I found the atelier and gives, it's just a place where my soul soars. You know, when I started finding people that made a big difference. And I feel like when the kids started just thriving and doing what they're doing, um, that was a good thing too, and a big confidence booster. I think that there's still fear for both of them that the bottom's gonna fall out and everybody's gonna say, no, you can't move on again next year. But um, they're, you know, the teachers have assured them that no, that's not really what's happening. You are gonna do great, you're doing a fantastic job. Um, their language is growing by leaps and bounds. But I do feel like it really took until this fall to really start seeing the changes. It started in summer, but it started, then the fall made a bigger difference. And I feel like we're still growing and moving even more. Um, but I also think that it took us a good year to get over what you're calling of the burnout. It was really to start getting rid of the stress in our bodies, even to get your mind functioning. The fog was crazy. And it was really difficult to even process, you know, what's going on? Are we okay? You know, um, in the first part, you're in the honeymoon period, but you're in survival mode too. So there's always something that you're learning, and all of those things are exhausting. Um, and then you're like, God, how much more new things do I have to do? And now it's more like, okay, I can handle this. And I think it really is the unwritten rules and the systems and things that we were dealing with at the time were overwhelming, and it felt like a lot, and it felt like a commitment and a big change, buying a place instead of renting a place. And, you know, what does that mean? And it's more money than you think because they require at least a 20% down payment for anyone who doesn't have a Portuguese income. Um, and if you have a Portuguese income, then they can do 10%, or you know, some banks require 30% from people who don't have a Portugal income. So it's just we were learning so many things that were difficult. And I think that nobody felt like we were thriving at the moment. We were just kind of treading water. But I feel like we've done a lot of recovery and worked on a lot of that stress of treading water and emotionally getting over all of the burnout. And that kicking the ladder, as you say, was essential for that. But also that precipitated everybody, all of us, to make different decisions that are beneficial and actually we're seeing improvement in now, you know.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

I feel like I may be working more hours now, but yet it's more focused work, or I feel like in the United States it was working a bunch of hours and just kind of not even treading water, I don't think. It was almost like not even keeping my head above water. I think I was under the water the entire time. And it was just working to just I don't know, it was just working to work, and and I don't even know if the ball was moving forward. I think it was going backwards a lot of the time on my side anyway. Like I I kind of feel sorry for anyone who had to work with me almost between 2019 and 2023, even 2023 after we moved, because it's just like I don't think that there was progress being made on my side, and I don't know that good things were really happening on my side. And now I feel like there's good things happening, and there's there's a lot of work, but it's it's focused work on things that are moving everybody forward, moving everything forward, and making good relationships and and just moving into things that that more feed the soul, I guess. May sometimes it doesn't seem like that because it's work, but I think that it's helping set that up, which were things that didn't happen, at least not for the last three or four years in the US. That wasn't happening, it was just trudge along every single day and get more and more miserable, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

I think that the other piece of it is I I think that we were so fatigued and so burnt out that even when things were moving forward, you couldn't actually see it or appreciate it. So it was more like think good things are happening. There were good things happening, and you were doing a lot of good things, but you couldn't even appreciate it. You know, just like it was the same thing. Like I couldn't see all of the places that are things I was moving forward, um, and and all of that. Like, I mean, you have a career that you you have a business that we are growing and things are going fantastically, and we're doing a lot of exciting things. Um, and that's, you know, we've been partners in that since we came here. And I think that's been a good change because I never had the opportunity to be a partner before. I was always gone. And now that I'm busier, even the kids are like, well, it's weird because we were used to you being gone when we were in the States, and you were, you know, dad was working all the time and you were gone. And now it's like you guys are like dad's working still, but you guys are here, and you know, you we we like that. Like we still have the time to go to lunch with our kids, you know, once a week or a couple of days a week. It we still have the time to have our morning coffee or those things together. I think that we we didn't make the time or find the time for those things because our lives were not built to facilitate that. And here our lives are built for that. So there are some people who are like, why are you working until eight or clock, eight or nine o'clock at night or ten o'clock at night? I'm like, well, quite frankly, it doesn't feel like it, you know, like you're you're working on things and I don't get home from teaching until almost 8 p.m. And it's fine, you know. Like, um, I don't know, it it still feels like it feels easier even though it is just as many hours, if not more.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Well, I think it's because it's not yeah, it's work till 10 o'clock at night sometimes, especially I work till probably 10 Monday through Thursday. I don't on Fridays, but I don't know, it's like we have our mornings for the most part to do the things that we want to do. And I don't usually start tr I mean, I might work some in the morning, but then there's also out and about a lot too, and then it's start work mid-afternoon. So it's like you have your eight-hour day, it's just not you know, eight hours in a row. It's more an hour to here, do other things, and then have a block of time, eat dinner, and then maybe come back for another hour or something and and work on things. I think it's just breaking your day up very differently from how it was in the United States.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

And I think we've been able to identify the purpose of how we're spending our time working too. And I think that's important. So it's purposeful. We have this project, we're dedicating this many hours to it. We know like how we're progressing and strategic planning, I love it, you know, all of these pieces. Um, and I think that that's also helpful because it helps you focus on mission and purpose in a in a different way, but also you're not. Tied to what felt like the same grind where you were trying to get absolutely everything done that you could while the kids were in school because the by the time you had to pick up kids, things were crazy, and then you'd know you presenting at night. And I would, I mean, it was just it was a lot. I think that our lives here have improved quite a bit. Um, but it was really hard. It was hard to get to this point. And and I um for those going through it right now, I feel you. Um, but I would say think about your long term and the reasons why you moved here in the first place, you know. Um and I think that you know, we kept talking about that. Like short term, that would be easier, but what is it gonna be long term? And if we decide when it's coming up and we try one more year and it doesn't go well, then we can make that decision then. Um but so far we haven't had to make that. And if you ask the kids even today, do you want to go back, they'll say no. Which is ironic because they have it really hard, you know? Um, but they'll say no. But and they're starting to look at the the future of things too. Like, what are next steps, Jack's looking and starting to think about, you know, I'm in this great program now, I love what I'm doing. What do I want to do next? Like, what is college gonna look like? Or, you know, do I take a gap year or not? Um, and gap year never would have been a question in the United States. I think that he feels bad that he's not gonna be graduating secondary school at the same time as his colleagues. But if he went straight into university, he'd be graduating university at the same time because university here is only three years. Because you do a whole bunch of work in your secondary program to prepare you for that. So, and you have to reach a certain level to be able to be admitted. So I think it's just a different system. And I think that made him feel better when we had a conversation the other day. So you miss some things, but there are other things that are, you know, taking the place, I guess. I don't know. Six months is hard. A year is better. Eighteen months is even better still. And we're coming up on two years soon.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

So March 15th.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Yeah, that's the day we left.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

The sixteenth in Portugal is when we got here.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Yeah. So uh we'll see if we can get the kids to reflect on what they think about for two years, even if they don't want to um be on here. Maybe we can interview them some. Practice your skills, sir. Um, but yeah, six months is hard. Um, our burn my burnout is infinitely better. Like, I feel like such a more complete person in so many ways. But even you and I, I mean, we've had this conversation that we also are better able to go through all of our own personal struggles and trauma and all of these things, and we notice like our own patterns and reactions and ways we're like, oh that's a cultural thing that I can let go of now, or you know, oh, like I don't need to be work about that anymore. Oh, that's great, you know. So I think that that's that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Yeah. Well, I think that like two new ideas hit me for future episodes. Language, like update our language learning, and then um we've never really talked, maybe we did two years ago or something, but about school and just like what is school like here compared to the United States. We may have had an episode about that in season one, I think.

SPEAKER_00 26:03

We did when Tyler Tyler talked about that. He got on with us for a little while, but it would be interesting to see what they think and what their thoughts are updated now after two years. So, yeah, here we go. It's an adventure.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Join us again next time on As the Dinoson's Turn.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

You've been listening to As the Dinoson's Turn, a podcast presented by Dinoson Media Ventures. Don't forget to like and subscribe, and catch us again next time for another episode.