Episode 48: What Has Changed About Us and What Hasn't 3 Years Into Our Move to Portugal

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Welcome to As the Dinason's Turn, where we chronicle the adventures of the Dinoson family. A seemingly ordinary family from Iowa who decided, hey, you only live once, so let's move to Portugal. And now your hosts, Jason and Tracy Dynason.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Welcome to another episode of As the Dinason's Turn. We're coming up on our three-year anniversary, so we thought we would talk today about how we've changed or not changed over the course of three years. I think that for me, the number one thing is I feel calmer now. And I don't know how much of that is the move or just other circumstances, or maybe the move helped create those circumstances. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I think the move helped create those circumstances because you identify that you are not in control of things, like you can't control things, that there is a whole new system and you don't understand how it works. And so you start relinquishing control of things that you thought were within your control, even though they weren't. So you don't have the delusion or the illusion anymore. Um, you just flat out know it's not in control. So I think that there's that. Um, I think that's made a difference. I think the other piece of it is that um you have more, I guess, more power over your time, not because of the way we work, but because you have more power over time, just in general, your day-to-day. Like you're expected to take the time to talk to people, to socialize, to stop and eat and stop and drink the coffee and not be running from point A to point B. You know, I think like as you eat and consume everything, I think that that's you're expected to take time for yourself and your self-care. Um, and I think that's very different. And when you're sick, you're expected to take time off and it's okay. Yeah. Um, at least in our situations, that's been our experience. Do I feel guilty about it? Yeah. Do I go back earlier than I probably should? Absolutely. Do I sometimes just take a day quill because we have it from the states and I go anyway? Yes, I do. Um, but I'd say that if I'm not feeling well and I know that I'm just really need to take the time, I would have powered through in the states much more than I power through here. So I think that's also a piece of it. Um, more permission, I guess I feel. I don't know if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Yeah, and I think that you know, we still have to work. We're not we weren't able to just like sell our house or cash out investments or take early retirement and move. So there are things that have changed business-wise for the better, that some of that was in motion in the United States, but I think that it it's gone a lot better here as far as making actual changes that needed to be made.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Yeah, and I think that um again, we're having the conversation of being more intentional. I feel like we are much more intentional in our day-to-day and our life. Um, and if we don't feel like doing something, we just don't do it anymore instead of just like, oh, okay, fine, and then building up resentment. I think that's the other piece. We're not as um resentful um about things, or I have down that we're more present and more patient. Um and that's definitely true. I am a much more present parent and present partner because I'm actually physically here in part, but also I can stop the and do the bandwidth of the conversations we need. So when the kids are, you know, um going through something, I I can actually just feel like I can stop and they're the important thing at the moment. I don't have to have competing interests. Um, and I'm sure that that's also a privilege thing. But I do think that we're more we're calmer and in other words, we're more patient um and able to go with the flow a lot more. Um let's see, I think we're better communicators. We have a lot more intentional conversations, but we also can say, you know, I just don't have the bandwidth for this today. Or I love that Tyler. I don't have the social battery. Yeah, he's learning his like all of these great things. And he's always been like the the wise soul. Um, but when he says, I don't have the social battery, what's your argument to that? You're just like, yeah, I don't either. I feel you can like that's fine, we're good. Um and so I think that in communication, we also um stop and have the conversations a lot more too. Um, I think we're much more in tune of where we are emotionally, um, each one of us on a day-to-day basis, and can be honest about things um because we can sit down and have a deeper conversation and say, this isn't personal, this isn't about you, but this is how I'm feeling at this moment, and I have no idea why. Um we have a lot of those. Thank you. Menopause. Um, you get to deal with a lot of those kinds of things in the conversations, but um, I am much better at saying what I need than I was. Instead, I just let what I needed to go, like let it go. So I'm much better at saying what I need, I think. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

And maybe it depends too on where you move, but certainly, like you said, in Portugal, there's a certain flow to things, and some things just take time. Like well, we first moved we've told the story multiple times. I won't tell it again, but about bank access when we moved here. But then we started a company and it took uh a very long time. In fact, we're still working technically on getting the account fully open and set up.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

We can finish that today, though. And well, no, we can finish that next week. We can do pieces of it today.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

And it's just bureaucracy and and it takes time, and that's just how it is.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

But also, my to-do list is so much more reasonable. Like, my to-do list was four zillion miles long, and if I didn't get through it, I was a failure. Whereas now I'm like, I check one thing off, like, oh, adulting Olympics. I did great today. I did grocery shopping, which always feels like a marathon. It never has been great. I hate grocery shopping, I like grocery stores, but I don't like it when I go to do the big weekly food shop, and then we do that, and it's always uh an adventure. And at the end, like I'm exhausted sometimes. And some days of the week are better. So we were learning that of when we need to go. Friday mornings is better than even trying to do that on a weekend. Oh my goodness. Mainly because I can't handle the crowds. Um, but yeah, I do think where you live makes a difference. So we live in a small town outside of Braga, and Braga is not a big town. I think if we were living in the middle of Porto or Lisbon, um life would be very different. If we were in the middle of Lisbon, I think I'd be go, go, go all the time. But yeah, I still kind of wish we lived in a city where I could just walk down to the supermarket and grab something or be like, I'm not cooking tonight. Let's just go down to the kebab place next door and walk instead of having to drive. Like that's my big thing. So maybe in the next place we live, there'll be more, more around us in public transport. But we have a better idea of what we want too. I think that's a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

I noticed you had on your list here that you wrote down about being sick and not feeling guilty about it. But I also would add to that just in general, lack of guilt anymore about being who you are, both of us. It's like you can be, and I don't know that that's specific to being in Portugal. I think it's more just we made a change that we had to make, and it's helped us a lot to be more accepting of who we are and not worrying about that so much.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Well, I'd say culturally, let's talk about cultural studies here. There are definitely more of a group value, um, and then more of an importance on the things that are not as visual, like like not as visible in and of itself. So we've talked about this before how you're not defined by your job, you're not defined by your role. Um, uh like, say your managerial role or your a parent or those things. Um, though you are defined as a person and a whole person. Um, and we've talked about this before. Like, I don't even know what some of the people we know do. Like, I have no idea what their jobs are. We just like have a great time or have conversations or go out. And and I think that's a large piece of it. Um, when I'm meeting somebody who's Portuguese, they never ask what I do. That never comes up. They ask me why Portugal. They ask me why I would move. And then a lot of the times they now they're apologizing for um what's going on in the US or any of those things. They'll say, Oh, and they'll put my hand their hand on my shoulder. I got this the other day. Oh. Yeah, it's okay. I was like, okay. I was like, I'm fine. I just, you know, like in the middle of a coffee shop. That's that's great. Um I think that that, yeah, that's a huge thing. So being more um figuring out who Tracy is without all of those different labels. That's interesting because I've always felt, and maybe this is a me thing, but I think it's also cultural. Um, I think it's being an eldest daughter. I think it's also coming from trauma, all of those types of things, feeling like you have to wear multiple masks in different situations and you're always taking this role or this mask off and putting another one on and not knowing where you are in all of those things. I don't feel that anymore. I feel like I am just me in all these situations. And I think that's one of the hardest things about going back to the states is immediately you get to put that back on. Like the first conversation is like, oh, what do you do? And you're like, um, oh, I haven't had to have this conversation in ages, or you know, um, you know, oh, you're a mom, you're this, you're that, you're, you know, I those those are like, yeah, those are different things for me here. I guess I don't like I think that until you experience something like that, um, that doesn't mean that you don't know people in certain realms. Like I know the other parents of other kids in Tyler's class. Um, I know the students in Jack's class, like I know, I know different people through different roles, but I am not defined by that. Like I'm just a person, and that's a good thing for me. As a woman, that's that's a different thing than anything I've ever experienced. And that also could be coming from a point of privilege. I acknowledge that, but um yeah, when you're not so focused on all of the individual things that could be a competitive nature and trying to one up and outdo and all of those things is kind of like I always feel like that's like a well, I'm this, and oh no, you're this, and it's like always a one-up conversation. I don't have those, like I don't ever feel that here. It's not a competition. And I also see people with real joy when something great happens for somebody else, and not feeling like they've lost out on something. That's a huge cultural element here. Um, and I did feel that in the States, you could see it. Somebody else had a victory. It's like, oh, well, but I didn't get this, or I you're afraid something might disappear, and that's or there might not be enough to go around of good. And I don't get that feeling here at all. Um, I also get I love that you can also complain about everything, and there's enough shit to go around, so there's gotta be enough good to go around, and I love that um because that's the reality of life where it should be. Um, I I feel that more here than I did in the States.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

I don't know. I think, well, if you've followed us at all, you know that we we had to make a change and do something because otherwise I think that you would have you would have gone off the deep end and I probably would have like had a heart attack or something. And so I think that we, you know, is it Portugal? Is it the change just a change in circumstance in general?

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Would we have changed if we had moved to Texas or not in the same way wherever or I do believe like I think that when you're looking at like these are about Hofstead's cultural values, like this is about culture studies too. You can't you can't expect to be able to change all of the things that are really grading on you as a person in an individualist system that's not built for the things that you need. And so I think that moving to a different system helps with a lot of these things because the values are different, and you have to acknowledge the values are different in very different ways. Um, and it is much less of a materialistic capitalist culture because people are just working to live. You know, they're working for the necessities and and they're not focused on constant consumption. And so I think that those things also change. Um, so I don't see that there's, I don't think there's any way we could be the people we are right now and still be in a place within the United States. I don't I don't think that's possible. Could it have been Cortal, could it have been Spain, could it have been Mexico, could it have been elsewhere? Yeah, I think so, but but not when you're looking at some of the values. Sorry, iceberg moment there. I I would also say though that um there are like little goofy things too. It's not always like these big opposite structures. Like I I need to have toast every day. So toast, um a tocada, a tojada, like a great piece of bread that's been toasted with butter and jam, like that and any type of toast is an entire food culture here that I had no idea about until we moved, and I embrace it wholeheartedly. Like it makes me happy. I mean, I've always been about bread, let's be honest, but you gotta go to shamat and guimaraish, and you have to have a tojada de bal de noche, like the the nut bread and the homemade marmalade and your maya the late coffee and enjoy life. Like I feel like I need these things on a primal level.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Soup.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Soup, yes. I do believe, as the Portuguese say, soup is a perfect food. I have heard this multiple times from doctors, from nutritionists, from people out in the world, from Donna Carolina at the institute, who helps keep us all in line and make sure we don't use too much heat. You don't need heat. Yeah, all of these things, like she takes care of all of us. I like soup is a perfect food, and they're right. I need soup. Especially in winter, I feel like I need soup. And you can get soup at McDonald's. Like you get soup everywhere. That's true, and it's decent soup. Like I like soup, soup and bread. Would have I said I would never have chosen soup before we moved here. Not unless I was having grilled cheese and tomato soup, and that was all about the grilled cheese, if I'm honest.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

True.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

But here it really is about the soup. I'm like, I just have a bowl of soup. Like, I don't even need the grilled cheese part. Yeah. I don't know. That's a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

I think when you moved, I mean, we had a plan. I mean, it wasn't wake up one morning and it's like, oh, let's just move to Portugal today.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

No, that takes months of work, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

You don't, no matter how much planning you do, you don't know really what the future is going to hold. Like you don't know three years down the road what are things going to be like. So I don't know that we could have predicted any of this when we moved. No. And so I think that that's maybe a takeaway, is that it'll your life is going to change, but maybe change in unexpected ways. Or you have to learn to go with the flow.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Absolutely. And then there are things that are gonna be quirks of every culture and every place. Like we're now at winter time, and I wear house shoes all the time, and I love my snooty um because then it's all warm and cozy and and it's cold because it's a lot of the time colder inside than outside in Portugal. That is a real thing. You see these things, and it is real, particularly at the Institute. I'm telling you, my desk is right in front of a window, and I should I should know better than to sit there. I should move. Um, but yeah, I think that there are pieces of it that are always gonna be unique.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Yeah, you know? Well, let's recap.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Okay. Then I think we're calmer, we're more present and patient. These are the things I have. Um, I'm a better dresser. I got more fashion.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

I'm not. I need to up my fashion game.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

I carry my like in your workout shirt.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Workout shirt.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

When we go to the office, you dress better, like a getting out of the house. Like you dress better. I think that's it. Like we take better care of ourselves as a person and make more space for ourselves and and communicate about those more. Oh, this is something we haven't talked about. I am not carrying five zillion cups with me everywhere. I have my giant cup and I leave it at home and I use it at home, but I don't use it or take it to work. I have a water bottle, like a small 20-ounce water bottle. Um, and then I like so I'm not carrying things with me everywhere. I used to have my to-go coffee cup that I take with me to all these meetings. Yeah, no, uh-uh. I don't carry that with me. Um, I carry a bottle of pop sometimes, and the students think I'm crazy. They go, oh Stora, teacher, not more. I was like, Yeah, I'm addicted. I'm still addicted. It's fine. I don't drink as much of it, but I'm still addicted. Jack and I are addicted to Coke, Coke Zero, honestly. Diet Coke would be better, but it's not here. So that's a whole nother thing. Um I think we're better at stopping when we need to stop and not feeling guilty about it. We're not defined by our roles or our jobs. Um, and we're learning about who we are without those things being defined and who we are on a daily basis. And I think that feeds into all these other things too.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Oh, wait, here's something that we didn't talk about. More of a risk taker. Yeah. I think all of us are more risk takers. I've always been a pretty big risk taker, but you've gotten a lot, a lot more risk taking and out of comfort zones. And the kids, wow, that's like a whole, like, they are a whole different people. And I love this because we just had this conversation. They're like, I don't think I'm any different. I'm like, huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

Well, think about when we moved, the intention was for them to stay in online U.S. school, at least through September. We moved in March. They were gonna, I guess they were gonna finish the school year in online school, and then we'd figure it out from there. And then within a few days of moving, we had to find a public school in Portugal for them to go to, which was I mean, talk about right away throwing two people into a and somehow they handled it.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

They've handled it. Not only have they handled it, they've thrived. They're doing great. I love it. Like Jack, okay, in his history of art and culture class, which is one of the national exams you have to take to get into college at the collegiate level in his field. Um, this is not an easy class. This is like literally history and art of culture from dawn of time through present day. He just took a test and got 100% on it in Portuguese. In Portuguese. And and they were like, they gave him a little bit of a leeway because he's not a native speaker, but he did really great. And Tyler just got a test back and he was like, Yeah, you remember that test I had. It's like, yeah, what'd you get? He's like, 90%. And this is in math, and in math, he's doing everything in Portuguese. I don't think he could even do math in English right now. So the fact that they're doing this and he's getting 100% in French and they're doing multiple languages and have the experience of being the other, I think has really changed who they are and the resiliency, even though there is a self-awareness of that whatsoever. I see it. It's crazy. I see it a lot. So in some ways, they're the same people. Um, it's like they're the same people, but the volume's kind of turned up in some ways.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

I think that's a good, I think that's a good way of describing, I guess, all of us. It's like we're still the same as we were, only we, I don't know. I think that we're better versions of ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Oh, yeah. I I also um part of this I think is age and part of this is culture here. But I'm no longer trying to make myself smaller to make other people more comfortable about me. That I'm too much. I've always been told I'm too much, I'm too this, I'm too that. I I no longer am apologizing for who I am, I just am who I am. And if you don't like it, it's not my problem. But I don't get that feeling that I have to be less than in order to be accepted. As a matter of fact, I feel like in some cases I'm like endeared because I am more than. And they're like, oh, you're so fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

You're the crazy Spanish-speaking American.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, what's funny is my Portuguese is pretty damn good now, though. I mean, I'm not even doing the Portagnol as much anymore. Um, but I can be loud and in my the way I dress and and who I am, and I can laugh really hard and be silly and not feel like that's a I shouldn't be. So yeah, I don't know. I think that we're we are more of who we are and who we were meant to be uh faster, I think. And then so we'll see what happens. I don't know what the next few years will bring.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Yeah, the my residency card is good through 2028 now. So they'll be here even if if no one else is.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

We've been approved. The rest of us, um, we're waiting on Tyler's approval. Um, but the rest of us have emails that we've been approved and we're just waiting on our cars, so cards. So 2028 at the very least. But I know when I get that card in hand, I've said this, I'm actually gonna trade in that driver's license and Portugal driver's license. Here I come. I'm gonna be done because that's gonna expire in the US before too long and might as well get it switched over, be done.

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Yep. Well, I guess there'll be more adventures to come on As the Dinoson's turn. We're recording more of our daily life because I think we need to give people a true picture of why we call it As the Dinoson's Turn. So I think that that'll do it for this episode of As the Dinoson's Turn. Who are we almost three years later? So join us again next time.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

You've been listening to As the Dinason's Turn, a podcast presented by Dinason Media Ventures. Don't forget to like and subscribe and catch us again next time for another episode!